Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody
by icaughtfire
Summary: This story is dead. It was immature, honestly, and I don't feel comfortable writing it anymore.
1. Spinner and Jimmy

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly.

Author's Note: **The chapters are all really short**, but this story has no purpose and is supposed to be idiotic. Every chapter makes fun of a character, and if you don't want to see your favorite character get made fun of, just skip over it. I hope SOMEONE thinks this is funny. I just needed something to write for fun before I can get back into the swing of things and continue my other stories.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

_chapter one - the battle_

Jimmy wheeled over to Spinner, a look of determination visible on his face. Spinner stared at him, wearing a dumbfounded look that was often present on his goofy face. "What?" Spinner asked, mouth hanging open in confusion.

"Rap battle. Right here. Right now." Jimmy answered, throwing a few gang signs in for good measure. Spinner looked terrified, and farted. "Sorry. Being nervous makes me fart."  
Suddenly like magic, a huge crowd formed around the two kids about to make total fools of themselves. They covered their noses, trying to mask the horrible stench by spraying various air sanitizers, but discovered that nothing can neutralize Spinner's farts.

"Alright, round one -- Jimmy you're going first." Liberty stood in the middle, dressed as a referee. A loud roar of applause was heard from the surrounding students. Finally something exciting was going to happen! Nothing excited **ever **happened at Degrassi!

_I'm a black kid and I know how to rap. He is a white kid and he don't know crap. Stupid nickname and stupid hair, hey little buddy, have you heard of Nair?_

The students burst into a fit of laughter. Spinner rolled his eyes before he answered with his own equally stupid rap. He squinted his eyes up, thinking really hard as he began his wonderful reply.

_I may be white but I really can dance. Remember that time when you ripped your pants?  
You're no old-school Michael like you think, maybe the new Michael who sees a shrink._

The audience laughed half-heartedly, and Jimmy crossed his arm in contempt.  
"Round two."

_I can't deny that you look like a furby on crack, oh and you can't rap, all your rhymes are whack. Then again you can't help it, you did find God. You and your Christian girlfriend -- peas in a pod._

The audience laughed louder this time, at the furby comment. It started to look like Jimmy was the winner, which was no surprise since everyone knew Spinner had no talent.

_Maybe I do get a few cases of bedhead, but that's nothing worse than your love for a redhead. Yeah I think you're a little obsessed, and you can't feel it when you see her undress._

The students booed, throwing a few pieces of trash at Spinner. They landed in his giant furball hair and he didn't even notice. Jimmy laughed, ready to win.

"Jimmy if you can do this last round, you'll have the win!"

_It's your fault that I got shot, didn't you listen to anything your mother taught?  
Brush your hair and make sure it never reeks...and don't throw paint on homicidal freaks._

"You got SERVED." Liberty concluded, pushing Spinner backwards. His knees buckled and he fell, but recovered quickly, jumping back up.  
"That happens when you have a **dance** battle." Spinner argued, annoyed.

"What can I say? I'm really not up on all the...gangster stuff, yaknowhamean?" Liberty stuck out her ridiculously huge lips, slipping on a pair of those giant sunglasses that took up pretty much her whole face.

"Right, right. Well I'm gonna go and get my hair cut even more hideous than it's ever been. Then I'll pay my barber an ungodly amount of money in exchange for hours of merciless teasing."


	2. Hazel and Marco

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: Yeah, it is stupid...ohhhhhhhh well.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter two - the mall_**

Hazel was bored. She felt like going shopping. Heck, she always felt like going shopping. She picked up the phone, calling Paige. The phone rang about a million times before she gave up. Figures, Paige was probably busy with her new best bud and not to mention girlfriend, Alex.

Hazel sighed. Maybe Paige had finally figured out she had no personality! That had to be it. Alex was just terribly rude and she had nothing in common with Paige. She didn't even want to think about the things they did together. Hazel gagged.

She thought about who to call, and finally chose Marco. He was gay, so he wouldn't mind going shopping with her! Hazel called his number, and then got him to agree to go with her to the mall.

On the ride there they listened to some crappy popular music, blasted as loud as it would go on Hazel's stereo. They pulled into the parking lot and went inside.

Hazel went straight for the make up section, and Marco rolled his eyes as she tried on various shades of lipstick, buying several of them. Finally he dragged her into the men's section, much to her disdain. She looked around in discontent. Marco picked out a few things and headed into the dressing room, leaving Hazel to fend for herself.

"Does this make me look fat?" Marco asked, stepping out of the dressing room. Hazel stared at him in disbelief. It didn't make him look fat, but it made him look stupid. She had never met a gay guy that was so unfashionable!  
He wore bandannas on his head all the time, had the weird fuzz going on under his lower lip, and his taste in fashion was horrible. He had no sense of what looked good.

"No. But your fashion taste sucks." Hazel answered, looking at his bright green and neon orange shirt. She couldn't believe he was trying this on.  
"What are you TALKING about? This shirt is hot." Marco argued, gazing into the mirror. He smiled, winking at himself.

"Ugh, take that off." Hazel shoved him back into the dressing room and closed the door, going back into the girls' section of the store. Marco met her there a few minutes later, acting as huffy and pouty as he could.

"See that girl?" Hazel said loudly, pointing to a girl a few racks away. "She's a big slut. I mean seriously, she's like a thousand times WORSE than Manny. Ugh, gross." The girl turned around, looking at Hazel. She obviously had heard her, as Hazel was incredibly rude and decided to talk as loud as possible. Marco swallowed roughly, knowing something bad was about to happen.

"Got something to say to me?" The girl asked, stepping towards them.  
"No." Hazel squeaked. The girl came closer, and Hazel pushed Marco in front of her before running off. She ran out the door and to her car, not stopping until she was driving away.

"God, she has a big mouth." The girl said to Marco, helping him up off the floor. He stood, nodding as he did so.  
"Not only that, but she has no real personality. I'm sorry she was so rude to you." Marco apologized with a grin.

"What's your name?" The girl questioned suddenly, grin forming on her face as well.  
"I'm gay." He answered automatically. She laughed, eyes sparkling "Me too."

"Man, everyone is these days, huh?" Marco replied.


	3. Peter, Emma, and Manny

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: Still stupid..._not really that funny_? The characters are a bit...OUT of character.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter three - the deal_**

Emma got up from the dinner table suddenly, gazing at her family sitting at the table. Peter was there for dinner, and to please everyone, she ate everything off of her plate. But now she was starting to feel sick. She made her way into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning over the toilet. After a few tries of sticking her finger down her throat, she got herself to throw up.

She heard the door open but she wasn't quite done yet. She stood, wiping her mouth, putting the seat back down, and flushing the toilet in one swift motion.  
"Got sick." She explained to Peter who was standing there, shocked.

"O...kay. I just needed to go to the bathroom." He flashed her a grin before pulling down his pants. Her eyes widened and her face turned red as she turned around. She could hear him still, but at least she couldn't see anything. When he was done she heard him zip his pants, and he turned back around.

"Sorry about that." He started to make his way out the door, but was stopped when Emma grabbed his arm.  
"You won't say anything?" Her eyes were pleading. Peter smirked, pulling Emma closer to him. He loved the way she looked when she was desperate.

"Well. If you'll do something for me." He answered, kissing her neck. She bit her lip, thinking about it. It wasn't that big of a deal. After all she had done things with Jay, and she didn't think Peter had an STD. Or so she hoped.

And she did. She could've swore she saw a red blinking light, like one from a video camera, but she pushed that out of her mind as she did what she had to do. When she was finished, Emma stepped into the living room, face still pink. She was afraid that her family could tell what she did. Her mother gave her a strange look but said nothing when Peter came into the room a few seconds after.

Manny gave her a knowing smile. When dinner was over, Peter went home. Emma and Manny were in the basement, and Emma knew she couldn't avoid the inevitable questioning.

"So what happened?" Manny asked, her crater-sized dimples visible.

"I helped him out with something." Emma said softly.  
"OH. MY. GOD." Manny squealed, jumping up from the bed.

"What like it's a big surprise. You've done it all. Your dad called you a whore. You even ended up getting pregnant." Emma answered, crossing her arms.  
"I thought you said you'd never mention that again." Manny looked offended.

"Right. Sorry." The blonde rolled her eyes.

The next day, when Emma turned on the TV to watch Animal Planet, she saw the VCR was on. She frowned, turning it to video and watching the tape. She hadn't put anything in there. Well, she sure was surprised when she realized what she was watching. Peter had taped the whole thing!

"Oh my god!" Emma's eyes widened as she screamed. Manny rushed in to see the tape on pause, gazing at it before bursting into laughter.  
"That pervert." Manny laughed. She thought it was hilarious that a once goody two shoes Emma was caught on video tape doing something like this. It was the funniest thing she ever heard.

"And you're not even that pretty!" Manny exclaimed. It was true. Emma had gotten grossly skinny. Her blonde hair was scarecrow like and she looked about half-dead. Not to mention her annoying voice and how she was so preachy with everyone. Well she was one to talk!


	4. Craig and Ellie

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: I'm not really making fun of Craig so much as making fun of emo (**which I love, by the way** - its just fun to make fun of). But I'm sort of making fun of both. _This is really dumb._ I realize that. Thank you.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter four - the emoness_**

Craig stood in front of the mirror, admiring himself. He was so handsome, and he knew it. That's why all the Degrassi girls wanted him. It was true! They had each liked him at one point in time. Emma, Manny, Ashley, Ellie. He was the hottest guy at Degrassi. It was all in the hair. He looked like he could be part of the cast of Degrassi Jr High with his poofy 80s hair, but all the girls loved it. It was undeniable.

Craig was a living, breathing tragedy! His sweat oozed emo. He'd been through so many rough things. That's why he was such a great writer. He had so much life experience. He had bipolar disorder and took medicine for it. If that wasn't emo, he didn't know what was.

Of course he tried to play it tough, but he really was just a puppy. A silly songwriting emo puppy with poofy hair. How irresistable.

"Craig?" He heard a familiar voice behind him, yanking him away from his own beautiful reflection. Right. Ellie was over at his house.

"Sorry. I couldn't keep my eyes off of myself." He answered, taking a seat and yanking out his guitar. Ellie gazed at him lovingly, head turned to the side, a loud sigh escaping her mouth. Wrapped up in his own thoughts, Craig didn't even notice.

"I want to play you this song I wrote." He said.

_You make me want to stab myself in the heart  
Just to know that I'm okay  
And the blood feels so nice_

_You make me want to die  
Just to know that I'm alive  
Because you're so beautiful  
And when I look into your eyes  
I fall into them and drown_

_This is my incredible emo song  
You must obey the emoness  
Because I cry every night  
And I look way too good in eyeliner  
I'll admit I've tried on Angela's pants  
But they were a bit too short for me_

_Yeah I hope Emma teaches me to be anorexic  
I want to look that good  
And maybe I'll buy some thick rimmed glasses  
So my look can match my bleeding emo heart_

_I'm sad because I can't rhyme very well  
That just adds to my emo-ocity  
My life is horrible and I want to die_

Tears were in his eyes as he finished, and Ellie sat there, trying not to laugh. This was the stupidest song she'd ever heard. It was okay in the beginning, but it got really terrible. Was it a joke? Ellie hoped so. She didn't say anything, waiting for him to tell her it was a joke, but he didn't. She frowned, speechless.

"I um. Liked the beginning." She finally said after a few minutes.  
"Oh I know. It's such a great song. It'll be a hit seriously. Oh you should teach me how to cut myself. It's so cool. Like, I want to cut stuff into my skin and let the scars form and then I'll have tattoo like things! For free! How sweet is that?" Craig exclaimed.

"You're insane." Ellie answered, picking up her stuff and getting ready to leave.

"DON'T YOU SAY THAT TO ME!" He screamed, throwing his guitar across the room. It landed on the floor with a loud thud, breaking into pieces. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." He sunk to his knees, bursting out into sobs.

"Wow. This is pathetic. I can't believe I ever liked you. I think I'll go home and spend time with my alcoholic mother. Holding her hair back while she pukes will be a thousand times better than staying here with you. Ugh." Ellie stomped out the door, leaving a crying emo Craig on the floor. His eye makeup smudged, but he didn't care. It only made him look_ better._

**Author's Note: The beginning of Craig's song is a lot like stuff I write. So I'm making fun of myself in this chapter. I do in fact have thick-rimmed glasses. Oh the horror (of myself.)**


	5. Palex and Peter

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: WOW! I didn't think this story would be popular, at all. It seems like chapter four is the favorite? **Because making fun of emo kids never gets old..** Anyway...Palex chapter due to a request. Peter is featured in this chapter, as well as Hazel--briefly. Also, _should I delete chapter 3?_ It wasn't that popular.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter five - the lesbians_**

Paige and Alex were on a lunch date at the Dot. Paige had suggested it, and though Alex hated how cutesy a "lunch date" sounded, she agreed. Any time with Paige was a good time. They ordered their food and then started to talk.

"I promise to act nice for once. I won't be a bitch like always and make you feel like shit. You don't deserve that." Paige said with a smile, taking Alex's hand in hers. It was true. It seemed Paige always treated Alex like she was better than her. Though they were dating, she still treated her that way. All of their fights had to do with the stupidest things, and Paige was the one who started it. Always.

"Good." Alex leaned forward, giving Paige a quick kiss on the lips. Things with Paige were different than with anyone else. She changed completely when she was around the bubbly blonde. She turned to emotional goo with giant puppy dog eyes and all she wanted was to be with Paige. It had happened on more than one occasion. Paige saw through all of her humor, the humor she used to hide her emotions, and Alex didn't know what else to do. So she was helpless.

It was better that way. Alex acted the role of the man in the relationship. Paige was always grouchy and yelled constantly, like she was permanently PMSing. Alex made sure to have plenty of Midol with her at all times. Alex did everything to get out of a fight. She avoided it completely, just nodded until Paige was happy. It worked a lot of the time, and Paige was satisfied.

"Girl on girl action is very popular in cinema these days." Peter seemed to pop out of nowhere. He took a seat at the table though his kind was very, very unwelcome. "And I would be willing to bet a pretty penny you could be making loads of money if you struck a deal with me. Maybe sometime we could make our own little tape. It would be HOT, and I guarantee you'd sell millions of copies. So what do you say?"

"Are you kidding me?" Alex asked, laughing.  
"Yeah. Right." Paige rolled her eyes, gazing at Alex. "I can't believe he would ever think I would do something like that!" She turned her attention back to Peter, who looked confused. "I'm not like Manny Santos. Get over it."

"No, you're not like Manny. You're better." Peter's smile grew, as did his giant spikey hair. "A two for one deal. Come on. You guys are hot. Sell it. You'll be the next tatu."  
"They weren't really lesbians. They had boyfriends. And they didn't make a sex tape, you perverted freak. They were singers." Alex stood, getting fed up with the pasty blonde boy.

"Threesome?" He questioned, as a last resort.  
"Over my dead body." Paige answered, glaring at him in disgust.

"Why don't you call up Emma? I'm sure she wouldn't mind making a nice sex tape for you. Hell, Manny's such a slut maybe you can get THEM to participate in some girl on girl action. Whatever, I don't care. Just leave us alone. You're pathetic." Alex spat, pushing him out the door. She saw his eyes light up, and knew she'd sparked something in his perverted little mind. Leave that for Emma and Manny to deal with.

"Ugh. Him and Jay should become best buddies!" Paige suggested, taking a drink of her Pepsi. Alex nodded, sitting back down.  
"They're a lot alike. I'm surprised they haven't yet. Who knows, maybe Peter really will hit it big sometime. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up in the porn industry." She replied. "But only behind the camera. No one wants to see THAT." Alex gagged.

"He was right about one thing. We ARE hot." Paige admitted, kissing Alex deeply. Alex closed her eyes, letting her arms fall to Paige's hips. The waiter came back to the table, his face turning various shades of red when he saw the girls kissing. He sat down the plates and scurried away, leaving Palex in a fit of giggles.

"Paige?" Hazel walked into the Dot, looking horrified when she saw her best friend with Alex. They were always together now.  
"Hi." Paige greeted boredly, not even bothering to look up.

"AM I THAT BORING?" Hazel asked hysterically.  
**"YES!"** came the reply from the rest of the people in the restaurant. Hazel left the dot, tears streaming down her face.


	6. Liberty and JT

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical,** and _please _don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: **This chapter isn't really that funny**. And it's short.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter six - the uglies_**

JT smiled, watching Liberty cross the street. He was sitting nearby in his car, trying to work up the courage to talk to her. She'd given up their baby and it seemed like that only isolated her further from him. Even talking to her made her go through all of those emotions over again. But JT was going insane. He missed his whacked out control freak girlfriend, and felt lost without her dictating everything he did. Sometimes he wasn't certain when he should go to the bathroom, and everytime he called Liberty to ask her, she wouldn't answer her phone. That led to several accidents.

He put the car in drive and followed Liberty, stopping beside of her on the street and offering a ride. She got in the car, not speaking to him. JT sighed.  
"I'm sorry you're upset about what happened. But it's not my fault, so just stop taking it out on me. I can't deal with it. Do you seriously want me to try and kill myself again? Because I will. You're driving me THAT crazy."

"JT. Shut up." Liberty glared at him. "You're so insensitive. You have no idea what I'm going through. I had to give up my baby, the thing that came out of my body. Not only did it hurt like hell, but you don't just get over something likethat."  
"Hey. I donated sperm to the cause. He's my kid too," JT paused. "Do you want to go visit him?"He asked suddenly. "I haven't seen him since he was born. I want to see how he's doing."

Liberty smiled, sinking back into the car seat. She nodded. She did want to see her baby. They drove to the adoptive parent's house. Liberty knew the way all too well. She'd driven by it numerous times, but never went inside. She stepped out of the car, taking JT's hand and making her way to the door.

"Hello. My name is Liberty Van Zandt..you recently adopted a child, right? Well it's my child and I just wanted to see how he's doing." Liberty said in a rush, all of her words smooshing together. The woman stood there for a moment, trying to understand what Liberty had just said. The girl talked really fast - it was obvious she'd watched one too many episodes of Gilmore Girls. Normal people just didn't talk that fast, and weren't that overly caffeinated.

"What she said was, she's the mother of the baby you adopted. She just wanted to come visit him, see how he's doing." JT stepped in, giving the woman an encouraging smile. She let them in, showing them into their little boy's room.

"Oh my god. He's really..." Liberty stared at the little boy in his crib, sucking it's thumb.  
"**Ugly**." JT finished in horror. It was obvious their DNA was not meant to mix. There wasn't a good result at all. The woman nodded her head, picking up the little boy in her arms.

"Yes. He _is _ugly, and it's all your fault. If I had seen the parents before adopting him, I wouldn't have bothered. But now it's too late, and I have the ugliest child in the world. This is why ugly people shouldn't have sex." The woman sat the boy back in his crib, and he was now crying. She turned to Liberty and JT.

"I think you should leave, now." They did leave, and were glad to do so. Both of them were in shock, sitting in the car completely silent. JT looked at Liberty, and burst into laughter. Liberty started laughing too, and they laughed for a solid ten minutes.

"She was right. We shouldn't have had a baby. You were stupid for wanting an extra large condom for your little Johnson...if it hadn't been for that, we never would have produced that monster in there." She teased him.  
"Hey. Shut up. It's not little. It's just, not huge." JT defended, face turning a thousand different shades of red.

"Right. I've seen bigger penises on Ken dolls."


	7. Ellie, Ashley, and Fans

Disclaimer: PLEASE realize **this is just a PARODY. It's offensive, stupid, and stereotypical**, and _please_ don't flame me. I'm sorry if you get offended but please realize _it's all in fun_, and I don't mean any of it truthfully. Also, I don't own Degrassi -- but I reserve the right to make fun of the characters mercilessly. 

Author's Note: We all love Ellie. Well, I make fun of her in this chapter. Not just her though, also at us fanfiction writers, The-N, Ashley, and Peter (again).Oh what fun.

**The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody**

**_chapter seven - the crazyness_**

Ellie sighed, crossing her arms and pouting. Ashley gazed at her for a moment, concern evident on her face. She took a seat beside of her friend.

"Ellie, what's wrong?" Ashley asked gently.  
"My life sucks. The writers must hate me or something. First Marco being gay, then Sean leaving, everything with my dadgoing away and my mom becoming an alcoholic.And now Craig. Er. Not that I like Craig or anything." Ellie stammered, blushing deeply. It was against the best friend rules to like your best friend's ex. Then again, Degrassi has no rules. **It GOES there.**

"Well, maybe the writers _do _hate you but the fans don't. Ever since you started cutting, your likeability has went up over 40 percent. Good to know that if you want to be liked, all you need to do is try a little self mutilation." Ashley frowned. Her fan base was slipping, and she knew it. A lot of girls were very protective over Craig and that often led to them hating her. She didn't mind it all that much, because it gave her a reason to become even whinier than usual.

"Have you noticed the crazy fanfiction writers? They seem to like making me gay. It's irritating." Ellie pointed out, rolling her eyes.  
"Hey, it's not that bad is it? I mean, at least you get paired with attractive people. You've never had to deal with being put with Spinner or anything." Ashley shuddered at the thought, and Ellie nodded in agreement.

"But Paige? It's scary though...there are some freaky hardcore Pellie shippers." Ellie said quietly, making sure that the Pellie fans didn't hear her.

"Pellie fans aren't as frightening as Palex ones. Palex shippers are psychotic. They'll rip out your throat if you say anything against Palex. I swear, I'm surprised some of the writers haven't come up missing since High Fidelity." Ashley bit her lip, looking around her as she said this. She didn't want the Palex fans to jump on her. Suddenly, a herd of twenty or so fangirls all jumped on top of Ashley, ripping out her hair and hitting her as hard as they could. When it was all over, Ashley could barely stand.  
"I rest my case."

"I wish I'd get a better storyline. One that's less emo." Ellie sighed once again, not fazed at all by the crazy lesbian attack.  
"Emo is just another word for intense. Though at this point, I think the fans would watch anything. After all, they **do** endure endless hours of pointless TMI commercials and crappy music videos just to watch us! Their poor brains are melting, and they don't even know it." Ashley reasoned.

Ellie shrugged. She had her there. The-N's commercials were perhaps the weirdest she had ever seen. The advertisment for Whistler had driven her insane for months, and then when the premiere finally came, she could barely stay awake for the first five minutes of the show. The-N had a way of over-advertising.

"True. I just hope next season is better for me. Or I might just have to start cutting again." Ellie's eye twitched in indifference. Ashley laughed.  
"Ellie, you're always starving for attention."

"What can I say? I'm a leo. But I'm not HALF as bad as you. You cut off your hair and go all 'gothic', what was the point of that? Attention, my friend. You are an _attention whore_, not to mention the hugest poser I've ever met." Ellie admitted, not looking at Ashley when she says this. Ashley sits back down, defeated. Her friend was right.

"_Attention whore_ is my phrase. I copyrighted it after I called Manny one. So I think you owe me five dollars." Peter appeared out of thin air, approaching Ellie huffily. Ellie handed him a crumpled five dollar bill, pushing him away.  
"Whatever, just get out of here."

Peter screeched, turning into a giant bat and flying away. Both of the girls watched him, and then turned away, shrugging. Nothing too out of the ordinary...


	8. Sean, Emma, and Peter

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. This is a parody- don't get offended.

Author's Note: Yes I'm back with new chapters! I'm trying to make this a little less juvenile, but I'm not sure I succeeded. I have so many ideas floating around in my head, this story is bound to become even longer. I'd like to make fun of some of the 40 most go-therest moments, and of course the new episodes. This chapter parodies the season premiere of Degrassi, so if you haven't seen it, there might be a few spoilers though I changed most of what happened in this episode.  
Also might start editing past chapters, though I can't guarantee anything.****

The Ridiculously Stupid & Offensive Degrassi Parody

_**chapter eight - the bitch fight**_

Sean stepped into the doors of Degrassi high, taking in his surroundings with a nervous smile. It was nice to be back but he knew some people would be less than happy to see him here. He made his way to the office but was stopped when Ellie stepped in front of him, crossing her arms and frowning.

"Sean Cameron." She said his name like a curse, but Sean just shrugged his shoulders, daring to meet her penetrating gaze. Ellie glared at him angrily, bitterness evident in the depths of her dark brown eyes.

"Yeah, I'm back." He replied simply, shoving his hands into his pockets and hastily making his way past Ellie. He went into the office and got his new school schedule, and when he walked back out, Ellie was still standing there looking as mad as ever.

"We need to talk. I can't believe you just left like that. And now you're just coming back like nothing ever happened and treating me like we were never together. We were living together Sean. That's not nothing." Ellie's voice turned hysterical, and her eyes filled with tears.

"No, we don't need to talk. But you're going to make me anyway, just like you always tried to make me do everything else. I left because I needed some time to deal with everything that happened. You need to understand and respect that. Not everything is about you. I'm okay now, I've dealt with it. You and me, we're over. I realize it's hard for you to get over but I'm over it."

"Sean? Is that you?" Emma's eyes seemed to pop out of their sockets as she rushed towards Sean. Ellie let out an audible growl and lapdog Peter followed Emma, taking a place beside of her and possessively taking her hand.

"Wow, you completely abandoned the Eminem look. Your hair is um, interesting." Emma stifled a giggle. Sean looked so strange with long hair. It didn't look as good as Peter's hair- Peter's wonderful, wonderful hair. Sean pulled his hair back into a ponytail and it looked positively stupid.

"That your boyfriend? He's very pretty." Sean cracked, staring at Peter in disbelief. He had such perfect jawbones and he would have made the perfect girl.

"Oh no you di'int." Peter stepped forward, snapping his fingers.

"Yes I did." Sean snarled, reaching forward and slapping Peter in the face. Peter looked appalled and he lunged for Sean, tackling him and pulling his hair. Sean let out a cry, kicking Peter out of desperation. Before either of them could do anything else, they were pulled apart by Emma and Ellie.

"We'll settle this _after _school." Sean assured, spitting on Peter's shoes before he made his way down the hall and to his first class. He was a few minutes late, like that was anything new to him. A crooked grin formed on his face when he thought of how exactly he was going to put pretty boy in his place.

It wasn't until lunch that Emma got to see Sean again. She was sitting with Peter, but couldn't help but watch Sean out of the corner of her eye. Sure his hair looked kind of stupid but he'd been working out and his arms were amazing. Emma had to hold back to keep from drooling. She wrenched herself from Peter's grasp, muttering an excuse to him before running off towards Sean. What was she doing?

"Emma, hey." Sean greeted, barely looking up from the car manual in his hands. He clicked his tongue, scanning the writing in front of him. Emma rolled her eyes, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him into the janitor's closet. Before Sean could say anything, Emma was running her hands up and down his body.

"You're so hot." Emma gasped as Sean kissed her neck, and she pulled him closer. She heard Peter's voice nearby and she froze, pushing Sean behind the mops hanging from the top of the closet.

"Wait a few minutes before you leave." She ordered, fixing her hair and nonchalantly walking out of the janitor's closet. Peter gave her a funny look when he realized where she'd come from.

"What were you doing in the janitor's closet?" He asked with a puzzled expression.

"Oh I lost my lip gloss. Thought it might be in there." Emma answered, walking away and leaving Peter just as confused as he had been. Why would her lip gloss be in the janitor's closet?

"Emma, wait!" Peter followed her, spinning her around to meet his gaze. "Why would your lip gloss be in there?"  
"The janitor leads a secret double life," Emma lowered her voice. "He likes to put on makeup and go to drag shows." Peter held in his laughter as Emma told him this, and he stared at the janitor in disbelief as he passed. No way. The janitor was a drag queen?

"Sorry I asked." Peter mumbled, grabbing his backpack and heading to class.

The rest of the day went by quickly and Peter & Sean met to discuss their "fight". They settled on a drag race for that night, and went home to practice. When it was finally time, Peter was beyond nervous. His car was new and he hadn't had much experience with it yet. He hoped he could beat Sean- then he'd prove he was just as manly as he was. Meanwhile, Sean was installing his new nitrous oxide tank that Jay gave him. It would give him the extra edge he needed to whoop Peter's ass. He laughed out loud. Sure, it might have been unfair but they hadn't set any rules and he could do whatever he wanted to win.

But everything didn't turn out the way it should have. Sean was winning the race, and he stuck his head out of the window to tell Peter how much he sucked when he heard a loud thump. Sean skidded to a stop, jumping out of his car and staring in fear at the crumpled heap in front of his car. His gaze shifted to the front of his car, which had a few dents in it. Great.

"My car!" He shouted, dropping to his knees.

"What was that, Cameron?" Jay appeared beside his friend and looked down to see the body. He gasped, his eyes widening in surprise. "You ran over..." He bent down, moving the person so he could see their face. It was Heather Sinclair. Jay bit his lip, standing again and surveying the scene. Peter came beside of them and he screamed when he saw Heather lying there. It was obvious she was dead.

"No one saw anything. If we all leave then nothing will happen to us. Let's just call an ambulance and go." Jay suggested. So that's what they did. Sean went home that night and was worried the police would somehow find out it was him. Pushing all his thoughts away, Sean went to bed. When he woke up the next morning, he felt weird. He made his way to the bathroom and after glancing in the mirror, let out a shriek. His eyebrows...were gone. Peter had done this. He was mad because Sean had cheated. It had to have been Peter.

Sean grabbed his cell phone, angrily dialing Emma's number.  
"I am going to kill your fucking boyfriend." He threatened, voice filled with rage.

"What are you talking about?" Emma truly didn't know what was going on.

"I...would rather not say. He came here last night and did something to me." Sean said slowly.

"What do you mean, something? How do you know it was him?" Emma asked rationally.  
"It just was, okay?" Sean answered defensively into the phone.

"You have to turn yourself in." Emma urged him, in that typical way of hers. Sean tightened his grip on the phone. She hadn't changed one bit.

"I didn't do anything." Sean denied having anything to do with the hit and run.  
"Peter told me what happened." Emma argued, her voice rising.

"Do you still love me?" His last desperate attempt to get her back.

"Of course not. Sean, we've been over forever. I'm sorry for leading you on but I'm with Peter now. That thing in the janitor's closet...that was a whim. A stupid whim. Nothing's gonna happen between us anymore."

Peter stood in the doorway of Emma's room, a look of shock on his face. He caught the tail-end of Emma's conversation, and was glad he did. She'd cheated on him with Sean? What the hell was that about? Peter wished he had done something more to the boy last night, something more drastic than shaving off Sean's gigantic caterpillar eyebrows. Right. He had to kill him. Only question was how...

"Emma, you're a whore!" Peter yelled out, tackling Emma and knocking her onto the floor. She let out a scream, but he muffled it with a pillow, suffocating her and picking up the phone from her hand. "You're next."

Sean hung up the phone, going pale-faced. Yep. He was going to turn himself in now. Better that than being murdered by a pretty boy who pulls hair, 'cause he sure had a lot of hair available for pulling.


End file.
